Walking Numb On This Earth

I have never been the type of person to worry about anything. All my life I've felt like I always had the solution for everything. 3 years ago when my mother passed away I realized that "everything" does not have a solution. I think after dealing with my moms death I was walking on earth numb, and didn't even realize I was "Not on Earth". I say "Not on Earth" because I look back at moments and acknowledge that I remember everything, but cannot recall any emotions associated with them. I went from extremely depressed and sad to immediate euphoria in less than 2 weeks. During this time is when I met the my husband - the man of my dreams. Most people would say this is great, that the euphoria sheltered me from the depression and I was able to continue life successfully after dealing with death. But is this really an "ok" way to handle extreme sadness?

I recently read an article in Huffington Post "8 tips for coping with the death of a parent" and

#4 states This work of grief takes time; the process must not be hurried. And it is never entirely over. This statement hit the ball in the park for me. I realized for the last few years I have never dealt with or fully ackowledged my mothers death, I've just been living and getting by unnaturally because l rushed the experience. The article also goes on to say that "when a parent dies it is a natural order of things". This is correct in some ways, but then it is not totally agreeable in others. I feel that it was too early for my mom to go, she was only 57 years old at the time of her sudden death, it could have been avoided entirely.

My life situations since my mom's passing have all been a quick rollercoaster ride of excitement, a immediate happiness of feelings, and blurred out failures all mixed together in three years of living. I am still on that rollercoaster ride today, and just am afraid of the outcome when the ride completely ends. If it ever does?